sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
