Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
