i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
