You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
