He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
