I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
