Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
