We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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