you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
