using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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