Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
