you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
