I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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