So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
