He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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