I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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