After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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