I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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