My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
