covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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