That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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