this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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