i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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