I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You're a waste of cheezeits
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
