Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
