I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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