So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
