So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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