a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
