No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
