do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
