Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
