Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
