Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
