ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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