He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
