So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize