I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
