sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
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You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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