I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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