I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize