i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
