dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
