i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
