I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
