farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
