Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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