Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
