You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
