Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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