maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
