if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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