I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
