I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
