The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
