can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
high people should be assigned attendants
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
