I'm going to jail i love you
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize