thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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