why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize