In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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