? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
