she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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