Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize