Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My ATM looks so different sober.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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